Cheese Heads

Joe and his brother Andy got the chance to be on the sidelines for the Saints v. Packers game in Green Bay a couple weeks ago for the NFL kickoff game. Ben went too but he got a ticket instead and sat with his Aunt and Uncle instead of being on the sidelines. Andy is a huge Packers fan, but he had to pretend to be a Saints fan for this game. :-)
Their cousin Paul works for the Saints and he is able to get people to help him run photos to the players and coaches during the games when they travel. They had a blast... they got to be in the locker room with the team - thats right, lots of huge naked football players... awkward! (....wait, why didn't I go?...) and they were on the sidelines with the team for the whole game. We DVR'd the game and we caught a few glimpses of Joe from the shoulders down, but they never showed his face except for from super far away. Oh well!
Here are a few pics that Joe took. View all the pics HERE.

In-laws in Town

I don't really feel like writing, but it's been a while since I posted so I thought I would write something...
The end of the semester at school was a whirlwind, super busy tutoring tons of students the last few weeks. Glad it is finally over. I had a nice week

This past weekend, Joe's parents came to visit and we attended our first concert at Ravinia Festival in Highland Park, IL....and it was a good one! We saw Tony Bennett! It was his 85th Birthday Celebration. Had to believe he is 85 years old the way he sings. It really is effortless for him and his voice still sounds great after all of these years. Unfortunately, we couldn't bring cameras so all I have is some grainy photos from my phone...even more reason to get an iPhone!

We had a nice time at Ravinia, Millennium Park and hanging out at various spots in Chicago with them.
The fun doesn't stop there! My Mom comes to visit us this weekend. Busy times ahead.

Here are some select photos from Joe's parents visit as well as my one and only super bright video of Tony Bennett singing one of my favorite songs. You can view all of the photos HERE as well.

things...

Things are going better already.
We have our 3rd counseling appointment today and even after 2 sessions I already feel much better. It's nice to talk to someone and have her help us understand why things are the way they are and help us work on issues in a healthy and open way. So far I've only cried once. 1 out of 2, woo-hoo!
I probably should have done this long ago... for myself and for us as a couple. Lord knows I have enough baggage and family issues to deal with for 5 people, let alone one person. It's nice to finally get it out there and be able to talk about it openly.
It's amazing how the way someone thinks and behaves is based on the way they were raised and how their family did things. I was very aware of it before, but I am even more aware now. When it comes down to it, there really is no "normal" family environment or no "right way" to raise children. There are definitely wrong ways, but its amazing how even the most normal things that happen as a child can shape a person. Everyone acts the way they do because of their own unique experience, whether its bad or good.

On another note, we have lots of visitors coming to see us very soon. Joe's parents are coming in a couple weeks, then my mom is coming the week after (labor day weekend), then Joe's brother's, Ben and Andy are probably coming for a Greenbay Packers Game, and then finally in December my sister is coming! Whew! I'm sure the time will go fast and soon enough it will be Fall (and then Winter) again. Crazy! Even though I love Fall, I am going to enjoy the great summer weather we are having this week, comfortable and nice. aaahhh.

Update

I am feeling better since my last post. That's how it goes for me, I guess. It's off and on. If we don't talk about our problems it's as if there are no problems. We just go through the day-to-day and I manage to keep myself happy and busy doing everything I usually do. We have our first appointment with the marriage counselor this Wednesday, so we'll see how it goes. Hopefully she will be nice and knowledgeable and she will help us work out some of our issues, or at least help us communicate in a way that is more beneficial for us. I just hope I can get through the 50 minute session without crying for 45 minutes of it. I am such a basket case when it comes to talking about things. I am great at having discussions but when things get personal, I get so emotional and I cry. I go into the ugly cry and I am literally incapable of speaking without sounding like a blubbering idiot. It should be interesting.

Just to add a little insight to my last post...I can deal with the little 'stuff' that comes up in a marriage. The little annoyances, the small things, the nit-picky stuff. I have learned to look past a lot of things and not let it get to me. What I really hope to get help with is the major stuff....the things that we can't seem to agree on, and the things that majorly affect our lives and our future together. My goal is not to try to change Joe or to change myself into a different person, but to help us work through things in a healthy way. Everyone has their own issues as a married couple and as individuals. It will be interesting to see what happens. I will try keep this blog updated, as boring as it may be, so that I can reflect on it remember as we go through it.

In other news, we are coming to the end of the insane Midwest heat wave we've had for the past 5 days or so. It was miserable. Near 100 degree temps plus the super high humidity made it disgustingly hot here. It's times like these that I miss the dry heat of California. Between the heat and the thunderstorms we haven't had a good nights sleep in a few days. Even with our 2 window AC units our place is a sauna. Damn vintage apartments and damn 3rd floor! I miss central AC so much! Chloe had a tough time with it too, she's up panting all night and then the thunderstorms make her about have a heart attack. Louie still wants to snuggle when its that hot! He's nuts. I can't wait for Monday when it's finally supposed to be back to normal. Less humidity and lower temps. Bring it ON.

help

We just got back from our "anniversary dinner" and I am sitting here crying because I just can't do this anymore. I can pretend that I am happy, that we are happy. I can't pretend that I feel loved.
I feel that Joe and I are in two totally different places in our lives and we want two totally different things. I want to have a family and build our lives together... I want to grow and do better for us together. I want to make OUR lives better. Joe doesn't. Joe wants to do what he wants and what he thinks will make himself happy, regardless of how I feel or how it affects our lives together or how it affects our future.
I am sickened by the fact that we've waited 10 years to have children for that "right time" and now we probably will never have them because time is running out. We waited too long and we've ruined everything. It's too late to make MORE major life changes and postpone having kids longer and longer. It's too late. I am so sad and so unhappy I can't even describe it.
I want to go to counseling and Joe seems to be happy being unhappy. I am not. I can't pretend that everything is fine. I am sick of pretending. I have no one to talk to and I need someone to help us through this. This may not be the best place to write this but I don't know what else to do. I have been wanting to call a counselor for a long time but I haven't had the guts. After tonight I realized I can't wait any longer. We've tried to "fix" things ourselves and it doesn't work. We can't agree and we can't make things better if we both think the other person is wrong. I emailed the counseling center a few minutes ago for an appointment and we (or at least I) am going to seek counseling to help us through this.
This is not where I pictured us 10 years into our marriage. I refuse to be in a loveless marriage. I refuse to have a mediocre life with a mediocre relationship where there are no shared goals for a successful life together. It just doesn't make sense. I don't want to keep coasting through life like this. I can't do it anymore.
There. I don't know what else to do. I said it and it sucks.