The last day...

I know I've neglected my blog for quite a while. I plan to update it and "catch up" when I can. Not sure if that will ever happen, but the intention is there. ;)

I had to write today because I am feeling so overwhelmed with emotion, I had to get it out in some way other than crying.

I've been so lucky to spend the past 5 months with this sweet little baby boy of ours. He has grown so fast and is becoming such a big boy that I can't even believe it. Though adjusting to a new city, home, and motherhood all at once has been one of the hardest things I've ever done, I feel that the hardest thing yet is coming tomorrow and Thursday.

Today is my last day home with Max. Tomorrow I become a working Mom, something I always envisioned I would be, but never knew how hard it would be. Thursday will be Max's first day of daycare.

Making the decision to go back to work and leave my baby with someone else feels like I'm going against every fiber of my being telling me not to do it. Its overwhelming. I wish we could afford for me to stay home, but right now, we can't. I never thought I would even want to stay at home, but as soon as I laid eyes on this little boy, everything changed. Everything is different with him in my world. I feel a need to protect him and comfort him and be there for him every minute of the day. Thinking of him crying without me or needing my comfort feels like a knife to my heart. Not being there for him is going to be a huge challenge for me.

While my "career" will always be important to me, I can now say that being a mom is even more important. I hope one day I will look back and be glad I made the decision to go to work and help provide a better life for our family. I hope I can find that happy balance between being a career minded woman and a mommy. Right now it's hard to think about.

I sit here now rocking my sleeping bundle of joy holding back the tears that have been there since he was born. I knew this day would come and I know I will get through it. I know Max will be ok and I will gradually get over the anguish of leaving him. This week and in the weeks to come I will cry many tears. I hope it gets easier because I feel like I'm breaking.

I will miss him so much.

busy busy

I haven't posted in a while because it seems like I've been so busy lately. Between IIDA Board stuff, interviews, working at school and trying to have fun I haven't had much time to post.
It's a nice weekend here in Chicago. Cooler and in the 70's....I'm loving it. We've had a nice weekend so far.

Friday night I had dinner with my friend Sarah and her friend Kelly. We went to the Thai place down the street where we often get take-out from, but this time we went for the authentic Thai dinner experience. Since Kelly is from Thailand she was able to order off of the official "Thai Menu" that is daunting to most Americans. It was certainly a fun experience, but proved to be too much for me. I get Thai food all the time but I get the more Americanized Thai that we are all used to. The true Thai dishes were so different. It was hit or miss for me, I liked a few things, but I couldn't handle some of the others. Traditional Thai food is super hot and spicy and some of the flavor combinations just didn't jive with me. I'm ashamed to say I think I'll be sticking to the standard menu next time I visit. Glad I tried it though! :-)

Last night Joe and I went to our friend's Birthday Party + Marathon Fundraiser. He and his partner throw  great parties every year and we always attend. This year my friend Dan is running the Marathon for T2 - Team to End Aids and he was raising money for his team. I admire anyone who commits to running a Marathon. They have a great roof-top deck in their building, which is a great location for parties in the summer with great views of the city. Last night turned out to be a little chilly and windy when the clouds rolled in, but we had a great time anyway. Lots of our friends were there and we had fun.

Today we took the dogs for a long walk around the neighborhood. It's a beautiful sunny day.

I had two interviews this week, both at good firms. Both went well but positions are dependent on what happens with their projects. They are busy, but they are sort of feeling it out before hiring. So we'll see what happens. I am feeling positive and hoping something gives pretty soon. I also got a call from someone I used to work with who asked me to work with him on a project as an independent contractor. He has his own firm now and is getting very busy. I wouldn't want to work for/with him on a full-time basis, but this is something that could be fun and I am probably going to do it (if he in fact wins the project). It should be a good opportunity to do a little bit of design on my own...kind of.

Here are a couple pics I've taken over the past few weeks.

The Good and the Bad

Today started as a good day but now I'm pretty bummed out.

Tonight is the Janet Jackson concert at the Chicago Theatre. I can't believe today is finally here! I was/am super excited for it. However, my excitement was quickly ruined as I was getting ready to go to work this morning. I got a call from the last firm I interviewed with. I don't think I ever blogged about it, so here's the recap. I nailed the interview, he told me he was "very impressed" with me and the job seemed like a perfect fit. It was with an awesome firm and I was super pumped. I was praying I would get this one. I was expecting to hear from him any day now  because he emailed me last week and told me they would be making a decision this week.

So, when the phone rang this morning and I saw the firm name on the phone I was hoping he was calling me with good news. Nope, it was bad news....of course. My heart sunk when he said, "unfortunately......"

He was calling to tell me that they offered the position to someone else with a little bit more experience than me. I do appreciate that he actually called. That was nice. He said again that he was very impressed with me and that he would keep my resume because they might be hiring more people later on. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. I am so mad because it seems like all the people looking that have 3-5 years of experience are taking all the jobs that I should be getting. The 1-2 year experience Jr Designer jobs. UGH!

So my happy day was ruined by this call. Then I had to call Joe to tell him about it and I probably ruined his day too. This sucks. He was counting on this one as much as I was. Bummer. You can always count on me to call and deliver the bad news. Booooooooo.

I'm hoping to cure my sadness and wallow in my sorrow with some drinks tonight before the Janet concert.

Someday I will deliver good news on this blog....someday.

Time's Up

This week has been particularly hard. It just seems like things are crumbling around me. After all of the interviews I've had over the past couple of weeks, I am left holding out hope for only one of them. That's so upsetting. I also found out this week that my unemployment is pretty much over, or it's dropping down to $80/week because they are now basing the amount I get on my part-time work at Harrington, which is minimal. I will won't end up getting that $80 anyway since I make more than that at Harrington, they will just cancel it. Whatever, I knew this would eventually happen. I can't expect to have it forever. So, we are pretty much screwed with me only having my part-time work. It's just not enough for us to live on. If I don't get a job, any job, within 2 weeks we won't be able to pay our bills. Oh, and we did our taxes this week and we have to pay taxes this year because we took out what little I had in my 401k just to help us get by for a while last year. Awesome. We don't owe a ton, but still. What else can go wrong for us, money-wise?

I feel awful. Like this is all my fault...because it is. I am the one who can't get a job. I hate to put all of this stress on Joe too....I know it's just as hard for him and I feel like I am disappointing him all the time. It's so hard on both of us and our marriage and everything aspect of our lives. I can't even think about the fact that I am 31 years old and at this horrible place in my life. This is not what I imagined and it sickens me to think about it. I feel like a total failure. We can't even afford to take our dogs in for their annual shots and exams.

There really aren't words to explain how depressed I feel. I pretend that everything is ok on the outside, but it's not. Two years of job searching and interviewing and still...nothing. It makes me feel worthless. I know everyone says that "things will eventually get better" and I try to believe that, but I am forced to live in present just trying to figure out what to do to get through each day and each week. It's hard to focus on anything positive when we can't seem to catch a break.

So yesterday I sat at the computer all day and applied for a bunch of crappy retail jobs, part-time and full-time, anything I could find... and even Starbucks. I am desperate at this point and I have to do anything to bring in money so that we can make some attempt to pay our bills and stay afloat. I can't believe it's come to this. In the back of my mind I am hoping that a firm will email me with a job offer to save the day, just in the nick of time, but I can't count on that.

Sorry this was probably one the most boring posts to read. I wish everything was happy and fun, but it's not.

I hate cars

So, we heard about our car and the news is not good. The "main bearing" int he engine is bad and we need a new engine... $3,800 OR we need a new car. :-(  We can't decide what to do because we don't have the money to put toward the new engine OR toward a new car. The plan was that we would sell our car eventually and use that as a down-payment on a new car...well, now if we sell it we will only get a couple hundred bucks for it without a working engine. ugh. Even if we do put the new engine in, with the high miles I doubt we can sell it for more than what the engine would cost, so we take a loss either way.

We cannot decide what we want to do. To me it seems stupid to put $3,800 into a 9 year old car with over 167,000 miles on it. I would rather get a new (used) car and hopefully it will last much longer than a new engine would in this old car. However, the thought of buying a car without much of a down payment sickens me because our monthly payment will be so high.

This all could not come at a worse time. It's just one thing after another for us. It's so frustrating. I just need a break. If I got a job everything would be so much easier. Right now it just feels like we are in limbo and I hate that.

For now I guess Joe is going to drive it home from the shop and let it sit on the street until we decide what to do. It still runs for now, but it could die at any minute. My biggest fear is that if we get the new engine something else will go out, like the transmission or radiator, and those things aren't cheap either. I don't want this car to be a money pit, but I have never known a car that isn't once they get this old. I hate cars! They are the worst investments EVER. We'll see what happens.

The good thing is Joe and I can both get around by train/bus if we have to since we are in the city. I mainly take the train anyway. We don't have to have a car except for getting groceries and taking the dogs places and getting to places that are hard to get to by train.

Oh...almost forgot. I have another interview tomorrow with yet another firm! Not sure what they are looking for, but I hope one of these interviews turns into something!

February

We made it through the snow and then the awful arctic blast of the past couple weeks. Starting today the temp is supposed to get better and better through next week, 30's and even 40 sometime next week. It's sad that even 20 degrees feels warm at this point! I am excited for 32+ temps because I want some of this stupid snow to melt! The snow really makes parking hard because there are SO many huge piles taking up precious parking spots on the street. Walking is a nightmare because there are so many piles to navigate. It will sure be a mess when it all melts, but I don't care...Bring on the "heat wave"!

On the job front, it seems like things have been picking up more and more. I had about a week between my last bunch of interviews and then I have 2 interviews this week. Both are actually at architecture and design firms! Woo! I have one today and I had the other one on Wednesday.

The interview I had Wednesday was...pretty much my dream job. I didn't know that going in, but when they described the work that they do, the kind of business they run, the way they work, I was amazed and instantly wanted to work there. Here are a few highlights:
They do primarily corporate interiors and architecture. (Which is what I want to continue to do)
They pride themselves on not working overtime. (In this industry, that is unheard of!)
They work 8-6 Monday-Thursday and 8-Noon on Friday, year round. (Sweet!)
They have a small, close-knit team that works well together. (Good)
They want someone who is willing to learn and be involved in every part of the design process. (That's TOTALLY me!)
They want someone to stay there long term. (Sounds good to me!)
They don't have titles. (cool)
They are super nice. (yay)

During the interview I was thinking, is this too good to be true? I don't think it is. I am really trying hard not to get my hopes up, but it's hard when you feel like it's the perfect job. I just hope they liked me as much as I liked them. I never know in interviews...it's so hard to know what they are thinking. I know there are lots of people looking and they will probably find someone with more experience than me, so I have to hope that they see something in me and are willing to give me a chance. We'll see. If I don't get it, I will be very upset because it seems so ideal. They are going to call one or two people back to come in and chat with their whole team before they make a decision. I hope I get called back. Please. Please. Please!!!! 

The job I am interviewing for today is also with a A+D firm. I heard they are looking to bring someone on part-time and "on the cheap", so we'll see what that's all about. I am OK with it (as long as it's not $10/hr) because it could lead to full-time work eventually. Any way I can get my foot in the door is fine with me.

All I hope is that I get something soon or keep getting lots of interviews as things pick up. It is still pretty slow, but I have heard about more jobs in the past month then I have over the past 6 months. Let's keep this up, Chicago.

Blizzard - Good Video

Well, our phone/Internet/cable finally came back on this evening after about 24 hours of being off. Yay! So, I didn't have much time to update my blog due to our Internet outage. Joe and I were both home again today. The side street we were parked on finally got plowed (sorta) so we went and dug our car out, well, Joe did, because we only have one shovel. :-)
On Wednesday after the snow stopped we got out and I took a lot of photos of our neighborhood and all the snow. I will post them soon, I got lots of good ones.
As for now, I have to get to bed because I work tomorrow all day and also have another interview in the middle of the day, but I wanted to share this video. Lots of good videos have been taken by random Chicagoans and are being posted on You Tube and shared. I think this one is good and shows how horrible Lakeshore Drive was the morning after the blizzard. It looks other-worldly when you see all the cars abandoned there. It's so strange to see that scene where drive on many times per week. Craziness.

Frustration Nation

After my interview the other night at the project management company, I got in the car and felt SO depressed and sad. I am SO sick of interviewing!! I am completely and utterly frustrated. I hate the roller coaster that I am on right now... up and down, up and down, having interviews, getting rejected, over and over. It really takes a toll on a person, no matter how much I try to stay in the positive, it's really just hard to handle emotionally. It's hard not to get down on myself, which I tend to do.

Yesterday, I just felt so out of it, so mentally beat down from all of this. Not because I got rejected from the last job, but just because the whole job search process is such a drag. I feel like the constant interviewing takes more out of me than the rejections. So, last night I went out with a couple of friends for a some drinks at happy hour. I literally dragged myself there, I really wasn't in a good mood, but I went anyway, and it was good to talk with them and get their perspective on things. So, I felt a little better after that, but still confused and upset.

I am not trying to have a pity party here, I just feel like I have the right to be sad. I cannot believe it will be 2 years this February that I was laid off. It's sickening to me. I NEVER thought it would be this long. I feel like a failure. I want my life to begin again. I want to move on and be done with this phase, but I feel like I have no control. Everything is out of my control and I hate that. I mean, I am glad that I have my part-time work at Harrington, it just isn't the same as having a full-time job like I had before working at a firm. It's also not that I think having a job will complete me and make me happy, it will just allow me to move on to the next stage of my life, like moving to a nicer/better place and eventually having a baby. Right now I just feel like I am swimming up stream....I'm getting nowhere.

While I'm glad I have been getting all of these interviews recently, I am bummed that none of them are truly design related or with A+D firms. Interviewing at the project management company just made freak out, I was so uncomfortable pretending that I would like that job when I knew I really wouldn't. When they told me, "If you want to do design or have a future in design, this is not the place for you," and I pretended that was OK, it just made me so upset.

Recently, there have been some supposed openings at a few design firms, but they just don't move quickly. I hear about them, I send my resume, I follow up, and nothing happens. I feel like the firms just aren't hiring. There has been some movement, but not much.

I know I should just take any job (if I ever get an offer) just to get back to work again and then keep looking for the "right" job, but I fear that working outside of the industry, or in another side of the industry will make it even harder to get back into a firm, where I think I want to be. I feel like the longer I am out of it the harder it will be to get back in. It's so scary and frustrating.

I really have a hard time getting excited about jobs that I think are not what I want to do. I guess I need to convince myself that if I get a job, even if it's not the ideal one, I will feel better and I will be able to move on to the next phase in my life.

Rejection #156...or so.

"A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success."

I must be pursuing great success, because I've had my fair share of rejections so far. I got an email from the job where I had 2 interviews. They decided to go with someone else. Oh well... I would have probably hated it anyway and they probably found someone with more experience. Just another notch on my long belt of rejections.

On to the next one...

Another Interview, Weekend, and Janet!!

I have another interview this Wednesday with a different company. I just found out about it today from a former classmate of mine. They called right away for an interview after I sent my resume. I'm not really sure what it is exactly, but I will find out more when I talk to her tonight. It's a project management company  of some sort located downtown, they are looking for a project assistant. It's good to see that there is some activity as far as jobs go, seems like I have heard about a lot of potential openings lately, but not really within the architecture and design firms themselves. At least its something...

We had a nice weekend. We went over to our friends Megan and Scudder's new condo out in the suburbs to watch the big Bears/Packers game on Sunday. Too bad the Bears lost. :-(  

They recently bought  a new place and it was nice to see it. The condo was really nice and we had a nice time over there. I took a big crock pot full of yummy nacho cheese dip (Cathy's famous recipe) and they had lots of other game day food. We also played that Just Dance game on the wii. Only a couple songs, but man, I was addicted! I want that game! I got the highest score on the two songs we played. Go me!

In other news (I cannot believe I forgot to post this earlier)....I am going to see JANET JACKSON in concert on March 8th! WOOO! I am so excited! She is going on tour, it's called her Up Close and Personal Tour. The tour will be smaller venues and she will sing all of her hits. I am so pumped! She is playing at the Chicago Theatre, which will be really cool. Its smaller and I have never seen a show there, so it should be so fun! I am going with my friends Kameko and Megan. I CANNOT wait. I have always been a fan of Janet and I will probably get emotional seeing her live, since I never have. Her music has always inspired me and a lot of it reminds me of being a kid.  I never got to see Michael, so I couldn't pass up the chance to see Janet, another one of my favorite singers/performers, live and in concert. I am SO excited!!!

http://www.janetjackson.com/index 

If it seems too good to be true...

Sooo, I had my second interview this week and it went kind of....how do you say...BAD. At least that's what I thought. 

Compared to the nice woman who interviewed me the first time, this woman was horrible. Turns out she is the COO of the company...which I didn't know until about half way through the interview when she decided to tell me who she was. Yeah, it kind of went like this..."Do you know who I am?" and then she proceeded to apologize for not introducing herself at the beginning. Whatever. I had already formed my opinion of her, and lets just say, it was not a nice one. The entire time she grilled me with super vague questions and made me feel really stupid. I was so uncomfortable and I'm pretty sure my chest/neck were beat red. Yep, it was that bad. Probably one of the most awkward interviews I have ever been on and I am pretty sure I am getting close to receiving my professional interviewer badge.

Well, it got a little bit better as the interview went on, but as she asked questions and told me about the job, I began to feel worried about whether or not I am qualified for the position in the first place and if I really would want to do it. The way she talked about it, it sounded hellish. We'll see. She seemed pleased at the end of our interview, but that could have been her just trying to be pleasant. I really don't know. I left doubting I would be receiving an offer for this one, but you never know. However, I did hear from my friend yesterday (the one who originally told me about the position) and she said it was down to 3 people and I am one of them. Yikes. Lets just say, I'll be surprised if I get an offer and I will have to think about it long and hard if I do get one. The moral of this story is the old saying, "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is." This is usually my mantra, but I slipped and actually (accidentally) let myself get a teeny bit excited about this. I shouldn't have. I have officially, for the 100th time, learned not to get my hopes up about a job until I have an offer in my hand.

On a good note, that same day I heard about 3 other jobs from industry contacts, 2 actually at design firms, so I promptly sent my resume to all of them. Seems like things are picking up a tiny bit, but still, I am not holding my breath.

Birthday and More...

So I had a great Birthday evening and Birthday dinner the following night with a big group of friends! Not everyone made it who originally planned on it, but almost everyone! About 16 people total, we had a huge table and it was a fun night. Good food, good drinks, and good company! We had a nice dinner and then a few of us went to have a drink at a bar nearby.

On my Birthday Joe brought home dinner and a cake for me, which was a nice surprise! The cake was one of the best cakes we have ever had (that wasn't homemade). He got it from my favorite cupcake/cake place, Sweet Mandy B's!! YUM! Let's just say we had a slice of cake that weekend after every meal and that sucker was gone by Sunday. Oops! But really...Best. Cake. Ever. 
Joe also got me a book called DSLR Cameras and Photography for Dummies, which I am super excited to read to start to understand my new camera. He also got me a new duvet cover, which I am super excited about! Goodbye ugly floral comforter from 2001, you had a good run!

Also, in other news, I found out about a job (on my birthday) from a friend and I submitted my resume and was called right away for an interview. I interviewed on Monday and things went well. She acted like I would be hearing from her regarding a second interview and I did! I am going in for the second interview this Wednesday! I am trying not to get my hopes up, but I am hoping this is the one. Even though the position is not with a design firm, it is still within the industry and the pay is great, so that's all I can hope for. They are looking to start someone fairly soon, so it should work out great if I get it. Cross your fingers for me! 2011 is starting out pretty good!

Here are some photos from my birthday and birthday dinner. You know the drill, watch the slideshow here small or click on it to view it larger directly in Picasa.

Moving, Blog and Jobs (what else is new?)

Update on moving....
Joe and I decided to stay our current apartment for one more year. Even though we really wanted to move to a better place I think it will work out for the best and we will hopefully be back on track by next year so that we can move into a better place and get on with our lives. We do like our area and the apartment isn't the worst, so it wont be that bad to stick it out for one more year. Plus, moving right now would have been nearly impossible with our financial situation...not to mention finding a new place would be such an added stress that we don't need right now.

A note about my blog...
Obviously I know that this situation is not unique to Joe and me. I know there are SO many people/families/couples out there who are going through or have gone through the same thing that we are now. Lay-offs, hard times, and other troubles happen along the way in everyone's marriage/life....and if they don't you must be one really lucky person. I don't want anyone to think that I don't realize that. Our life together so far has been great, but I know its far from perfect. I know there will always be bumps in the road. What we are going through now is just one really large and long bump (more like mountain) that we are trying to get over. I know we can handle what comes our way, it may not be easy, but we can handle it.  So I guess what I am saying is, please know that when I write about the hard times, the frustrations, etc, I am not looking for pity, I am merely writing to get some of the thoughts out of my head and onto this 'paper'. I am not writing this to get attention or to make others feel sorry for me. To me it's the same as writing about the good times.  Right now there is an abundance of bad times, but I know eventually it will get better. Writing my feelings down has always helped me feel better, or at least get a grip on what I am feeling. And now, come to think of it, maybe several years from now I will look back and read these posts when things are better, or when they are even worse, who knows, but either way I will remember and learn from it.

Recent developments...
Until recently I was somewhat hopeful that I would be able to get back into design when things started picking up. Now, things are getting to the point where it's time to make a decision to get a job regardless of what it is. I am beginning to think that getting back into a firm anytime in the near future is pretty bleak. I need to get back to work, regardless of what it is. As much as it pains me to leave design behind and get another job, it is time.
Recently I started looking into other jobs online. I found one of interest with a Real Estate company who also has a leasing office/division. I interviewed on Monday but may have to go back for another interview. It definitely sounds like something I could do and may even be good at, but there is some negatives, like: commission only pay, lots of hours and working both Saturday and Sunday, possibly not being able to work out at my current place, which I LOVE.  As much as this sounds sort of bad I am hoping that they call me back for the second interview and I can get started working. I realize it will take time to start making any money, but the potential earnings (especially in the summer) are great (hopefully).
Also, just to preface this, I recently heard about a part-time design job that will be opening up because some women in the office are going on maternity leave. I called to inquire when I received the lead from a contact of mine and the woman explained that I would need to send in a TON of work samples along with my resume and cover letter and they would get back to me. I am going to do it, but this is the kind of thing I am talking about....due to the economy and probably hundreds of people applying for one job in design, it has become lots of jumping through hoops for only semi-decent jobs. I mean, this is a part-time job, probably paying next to nothing and they want me to send in practically my whole portfolio before they will consider me? Come on! One or two work samples is normal for a full-time job with a huge firm, but this is ridiculous. However, I am going to do it anyway, but it all just doesn't seem worth it to me anymore. Sad but true.

Anyway, I guess this is all for now. Today is a tough day because I am unsure of what will be happening with my unemployment benefits. This is why I am in a rush to get a  job now. I heard from my friend that due to working part-time during unemployment we are going to be essentially punished for it with lower unemployment checks....its a long story and I'm not sure exactly what's going to happen yet, but either way, it's time to move on.

new year blues

Its the new year and you are supposed to feel like you can restart and be happy and all that good stuff. Not me...I just feel bummed out now because I look back at 2009 and think about how I have done almost nothing this past year to better myself or my career. Aside from the weight loss, which is good I know, I feel like I haven't accomplished anything else.

My lay off has really screwed me up career wise and I can't believe its been this long and people still are not hiring in my industry. Its still really slow out there. I have talked to a couple people in my field and they said they think it will be a while before things pick up. They said this is the worst they have seen it for our industry since 1992. Man, its hard not to feel like I got the short end of the stick here. I just get started with my new career and then, BOOM...I am laid off during one of the worst times ever for our industry. Its hard not to feel like I made the wrong decision or like I screwed up. I am getting to the point where I don't know what I am going to do next. I may have to find something else to do for work that is completely unrelated to my field, just to make money, which sucks. I think it will be even harder to find something unrelated because who will hire me knowing that I am a designer and I am going to go back to that as soon as I can?!

Its hard not to get upset about it because I feel like I have messed up so many things for us. Even though its really not my fault, I feel like it is. I want to have a family and move forward with our lives, and because of my lay off we are at a stand still. It is hard, I guess I am just not sure what to do next. I worry about things one day, and the next day I don't. I try to stay positive, but its hard to be in limbo like this. ugh. I don't know if we should stay here in Chicago or if we should move, I don't know where I want to be, I just know I want to get back to normal, whatever that is.

Plus, I have never really wanted to have a baby more than I do now and I feel like we will have to wait forever for things to be settled again so that we can. Everywhere I turn and everything I do, all I think about is having a baby. Maybe its turning 30, maybe its just been long enough, I don't know, I just know that I want to have one in the near future. But then, when I think about a baby I worry about money and about where we will live and where I will be working, and how we will afford day care, clothes, food, etc, etc...so then a whole other bag of worms gets opened when I think about a baby, so it just adds to the stress. I wish things could be back to normal and I could get a decent job so we could get back on track. I wish, I wish, I wish.... apparently that doesn't work.
Sorry for the pity party, just feeling bad lately I guess.

Um, what?

The whole job thing is a mess now. The residential firm that originally offered me the job has now "reopened" the position,...whatever that means?!? All of this AFTER I sent them some questions and AFTER I accepted their offer. After all of that they email me to tell me that they have re-opened it,...Um, what? At this point they are acting so unprofessional and rude that I can't even imagine working there, so who cares I guess. We'll see what happens, but if they contact me again to talk about me working there, I am definitely going to raise my eyebrow.

I think they just didn't want someone working for them who was not a push-over, a person who would sign on the dotted line without even thinking it over. Well, that is not me. Everyone deserves a day or two to think about a job offer! Moving on.....

More job talk...

The meeting with the commercial firm didn't go so well. I mean, the guy seemed nice and he seemed to like me and all, but he told me he was not going to be making any sort of decision on hiring for another 3-4 weeks. So I pretty much decided that can't make the residential firm wait that long just to see if I even get the commercial one. I have a feeling I wouldn't have gotten it anyway because the position seemed like it required a little more experience than I have. So oh well.... Not the end of the world except for I then had to think about actually accepting the offer from the residential firm and actually working there. Again, I know I sound so ungrateful, but I really can't say enough how residential and commercial design are two totally separate worlds. I immediately started freaking out about never being able to get a job in commercial again if I take the residential one.....I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. Lots of people are telling me not to take it because I will hate it and they can't see me working there, but I feel like I can't wait anymore and be unemployed, or partially unemployed. Its just been too hard for Joe and I. I need to make money again!

So anyway, I had the meeting with the residential firm and reviewed their offer right before the commercial interview. Their offer was less than I had hoped, but I told them I would get back to them regarding my decision next week. I will probably counter their offer and try to get more money out of them. Especially since I have a feeling, due to many of my friends observations and my own, that this place is not going to be fun to work at at all! I am going to see what I can get and then look at it as a temporary thing...something to get me by to my next commercial job. I just hope it comes fast because I just might lose my passion for design working at this place. :-(

So that's the job update for now. I'm in a weird place. I know what I should do, but I don't know if its what I want to do. I might just have to grin and bear it and that sucks.

Let's talk about jobs...

I have a couple potential job leads lined up...finally some things that are looking promising.

OK, the truth is that I was offered a job with a super high-end residential firm yesterday. While I am grateful and glad to have FINALLY received a job offer, I am sort of not excited because, #1: It's residential and #2: I also have an interview at a decent commercial firm tomorrow!! (Right after I meet with the residential one to review their offer)

I was working in commercial before and I'm pretty darn sure that's what I want to stick with. If there was no hope of getting into commercial at all in this economy I would do residential, but I don't see it being the type of design I ultimately want to do. However, I do realize all experience can be good experience and in this economy, a job in any sort of design firm is hard to come by. So in that respect, I am grateful. But, you must understand what the interview was like with this residential firm. Lets just say they pretty much bragged about themselves the whole time and bitched about their current and past employees! They didn't ask too much about me which was weird. This was the kind of interview that in a normal economy, in non-desperate mode, I would totally run screaming from. These are the kind of people I really do not want to work for. Even though the firm designs 10 million dollar homes with maids quarters and gyms and theaters in them, for some reason that is revolting to me and I would much rather design a simple office space! Call me crazy I guess.

So, I have this interview tomorrow with a commercial firm. Even though the people who recommended me for this job said it is probably not the end-all-be-all firm for me, I would much rather work at any commercial firm than a residential one. So the hope is that I will do well in the commercial interview and get offered that one as well. (Here's hoping, right?!) If it doesn't work out, then yes, I will probably end up slapping a smile on my face and working for the "lovely" people that interviewed me at the residential firm. Goodie.

So, looks like the end of my unemployment time is drawing near either way....cross my fingers... hope it works out for the best....

Laid Off but Keeping Busy

I don't have much to write about today. Of course once I start a blog I cant think of anything cool or interesting to write about!! Before I actually committed to this thing I had TONS of ideas! Arg...writers block I guess. ;-)
SO, I can write about some general stuff that I've been up to.... so here comes long boring stories....watch out people, I'm reeeally good at typing looong stories. ;-)

As many of you know I was laid off from my job back in February. I can't believe its been this long already...it really is too bad. I have gotten to the point where I am OK with it and I don't feel sorry for myself because it has become all to common around here. Unfortunately, people are STILL getting laid off in my industry. Anything related to building and construction and architecture is pretty much in the crapper right now.

The Chicago architecture and design industry is HUGE, there is a great network of professionals here and SO many people are out of work, its crazy. The architecture firm that I worked for is down to a pretty small group of people now. The interiors group that I was in within the firm is pretty much non-existent. Its crazy to have so many of my friends unemployed. People keep saying that this happens a lot in my industry and it always bounces back...but it sure it taking a while!! I guess its good that it happened early in my career because I will be "more prepared" when it happens again (right?!)... ha-ha....I don't know if one is ever prepared for getting laid off. Even though I knew it was coming eventually I was still shocked. I must say now that the experience I got there was good and I am glad I got the chance to work in a firm and get my foot in the door! Even though I wasn't the happiest there and it sort of was a blessing in disguise to be laid off, I sure wish I had another firm to go to! Too bad no one is hiring. :-(

All I have to say is thank god for unemployment and thank god that Joe still has a job that doesn't seem to be in jeopardy at this point! Whew! Not that things have been easy for us though...living on one income, especially here in a pretty expensive city, is not easy to say the least.

I have been able to earn some extra cash by doing private tutoring at my Alma-mater, Harrington College of Design. I pretty much started tutoring on the side soon after I graduated in 2007. I am hired privately by students to tutor them in Auto CAD, Photoshop, and other courses that they take for interior design degree. Its a good gig because it keeps my skills up to date and its pretty good money.

So, I was doing the tutoring privately, but recently I was hired on part-time at school as a Teaching Assistant in the classrooms and a tutor/learning assistant in the computer labs where students go to work on their projects. Luckily that is giving us some extra income for now that's a little more steady. Its pretty fun, the only thing is that I am gone for long hours on Wed and Thurs nights.... until like 10pm....darn those long night classes! Sure makes me miss regular work days! Poor Joe has to fend for himself with dinner those nights. You don't even want to know what he has called "dinner" for the past few weeks! Someday he will learn to cook something other than mac 'n' cheese! ha-ha.

Along with TA-ing and tutoring, I am also keeping busy serving as the board Secretary/Treasurer for my school's Alumni Association. Seems like I always have a meeting of some sort to attend. I go to the regular board meetings, plus two different committee meetings, PLUS the executive committee meetings since I am part of that as well. It keeps me very busy and the experience and contacts I get are great! Our board is really gearing back up again after some time of having no active alumni board. We are going to get some neat things done for the alumni and the school. Looking forward to what we have coming up.
Below is a link to the last newsletter that we created. Alumni newsletters are a semi-new thing for our school, so please ignore the awkward formatting, we have students working on it! ;-) It still looks pretty nice.
I wrote the article about Kickball and organized that event, it was fun! http://www.fathompbm.com/CEC/Harrington_College_of_Design/200908-HCD-Alumni-Newsletter.pdf

I also serve on the Membership Committee for the Chicago Chapter of IIDA (International Interior Design Association). Those meetings are only once a month, but with all of my other meetings, it sure seems like they are all the time! http://www.iida.org/

So needless to say, I am definitely keeping myself busy...more busy now than I was when I was first laid off which is good because at times I was getting stir-crazy just being home all the time! Luckily, during the summer I was able to get out and walk the dogs a lot and try to enjoy it. Now that Fall has arrived I am definitely going to be more of a homebody when I am not working at school or at meetings! Brrr!

So that's my life right now, or most of it anyway...more to come....
Time to relax now and watch the news, I had a long day of tutoring and meetings (shocker!).
Good night for now!