I dislike how merely mentioning Christmas plans to Joe and our families creates stress. I really love Christmas in Omaha with both sides of our family. I always go into planning our trip with a positive attitude and lots of excitement....until discussion starts.... and then I wish I didn't have to deal with it at all. I know it seems early to plan for Christmas, but Joe had to request time off work today so I have been trying to roughly figure out our trip to Omaha and which important days (Christmas and Christmas Eve) we will spend with each side of the family. I wish it was easy to balance it all. I wish it was easy to see everyone equally, but it never works out that way. If we lived in Omaha, it would be much easier, but we don't.
Me and Joe are just in that awkward place (and have been our whole married life) where we don't have kids yet, so we can't justify doing our own thing and we are expected to participate in all of the same traditions both of our families had when we were little kids. At what point do we tell our families that we will just make it to one or the other, not both?
I feel like it's so hard to juggle and I hate asking other people to adjust their holiday schedules and plans for us. It's so hard not to feel bad...and the worst part is, I am always the bad guy. I hate being the bad guy. I think the reason its so hard is because Joe and I are the only ones who are married in both of our immediate families. Maybe once we add more girlfriends/boyfriends/spouses to the mix everyone will have to relax a little bit and they'll realize that it's too hard to do everything the same way it has been done since we were little kids. We all have to give and take a little. I hope things will adapt and change as our family grows and expands.
The hardest part is trying to please everyone without feeling like someone is upset or one side is getting the short end of the stick. Since I have a small family, our family gatherings are simple and may seem less important to Joe and his family because he has a big family and they have large family gatherings. I love his family gatherings a lot, they are so fun and I look forward to them every year. At the same time, I have to remember to try to give my family some time...and that's hard. All I want is for the time spent to be equal, or as equal as it can be.
Ultimately, I want both of us, together as a couple, to spend time with each side of our family. I refuse to let us go our separate ways to spend time with "my" family. That is not the answer. As far as I am concerned, both of our families are "my family". Marriage is about compromise and sometimes that is a tough thing for people to swallow.
Ugh... OK, I'm done. Venting session complete.
