The Worst News

It is with great sadness that I make this post.

My 14 year old brother Thomas passed away on Wednesday, September 28th. Cathy and I headed out to California on Thursday the 29th after having heard from Dad on Tuesday night that he wasn't going to make it. I am sad that we didn't get to see him and say goodbye in the hospital but everyone told us it was probably for the best. There was nothing we could have done when he was there that whole week, and after all the surgeries and the injuries in general, he was a completely different boy laying in that hospital bed. We will always remember him as the happy, easy going, cute little boy that he was. I'm sure it will take them some time to get the hospital images out of their minds. Seeing your child in such a horrible state must have been heart wrenching.

I dreaded getting to the house the day we arrived in California. Having been worried sick and crying a lot all week I just knew that seeing my Dad and Melissa and Delilah would be hard. I felt as though I was all cried out, but I knew that when I got to the house and saw them it would become real. We got there and that's exactly what happened. Words cannot describe how sad everyone was. It was unbelievable. We knew Dad was glad we were there and it was nice to be able to offer some comfort, just by being there with him. Seeing Dad and Melissa in that state was the hardest thing to watch. I couldn't believe that Tommy was gone and they were actually facing the death of thier son. I saw his shoes in his room and his things just as they were the day he left for school and all I could think was that he was going to walk through the door at any minute. It was unreal to try to actually comprehend what had happened.

We spent the days before the memorial service sitting around the house, helping with what we could help with, talking with the family, etc. Visitors would come by with food or flowers or just to see the family and everyone would get sad and cry again. It was very hard.

Cathy and I drove to where the accident happened. We saw the sign posted that read "We love you Tom" in his high school colors along with flowers and candles laid there from the candlelight vigil held the day before. We sat there and looked at the intersection in awe of how this could have happened. We just couldn't wrap our brain around how someone could completely run over a kid on a bike here. It was probably one of the quietest intersections in all of Elk Grove, even during after school hours we couldn't imagine how it would be that busy.

Joe came the day before to attend the funeral/memorial and it was good to have him there. The memorial service was very sad, but a very nice memorial for him. Tommy's Uncle Mark spoke (Melissa's Brother) as well as his Grandpa, and it was very touching and sad. Two of his former teachers spoke too, very nice words about what a unique, smart and sweet boy Tom was. They think about 300-400 people came to the service and it was nice to see all the support. At the end everyone filed through row by row, hugging and consoling Melissa, Dad and the family. It was hard to watch, but sweet to see all of the kids from his school and all of the friends there to show support.

It was very hard to leave knowing that Dad, Melissa, and Delilah's lives will never be the same. None of our lives will, but theirs will definitely be a new normal that will take so long to get used to. It has been a long couple weeks for me and I imagine it will be a long journey ahead for my Dad and his family without Tommy there. There will always be a piece missing for the rest of their lives. I can't imagine losing a child. No one should ever have to go through it. There are just no words to describe how they must feel. All I can hope for them is that as time passes it will get a little easier.

I got so much support from my friends and family and so did they. The support from the community was amazing and it was comforting to know they will be well taken care of. It is amazing what people will do and say to you during times like these. I am thankful for all of the support for me and for my family

View the Obituary in the Sacramento Bee

Sweet Tommy

Last Thursday morning as I was just getting out of bed I received a call from my Dad with very bad news. Tommy, my 14 year old half brother, had been hit by a SUV while riding his bike home from school on Wednesday afternoon. I immediately burst into tears upon hearing the news and hearing my Dad say how serious it was. He was and still is in critical condition and I have been worried sick about him ever since I received the call that day. I didn't go to work on Thursday because I was so upset and I talked on the phone with my sister pretty much all day. We didn't know what to do, we felt helpless being so far away, wanting to be there, but knowing it was probably best to wait and see what happens. Both Cathy and I are still sick with worry, waiting for the next call or text from my Dad or someone else who can give us the latest update on Tommy.

That morning I didn't talk to my Dad very long, but he told me that things were very bad. Tommy was in critical condition and in intensive care. He was put into a medically induced coma right away.  My Dad said that when he first arrived in the ER were told to prepare for the worst....but he has now lived through almost 5 days. We are all trying to think positive and pray for a miracle for him. My Dad said all that matters is that he is still here and they are hoping that he is one of those miracles.

After we heard the news Cathy and I were online searching for any info we could on the accident. We found an article about the accident from the local news channel here and an article that mentioned Tommy an his high school on a local forum here. Later that night we found that someone has created a "Get Well Tom Mutz" page on Facebook. When we found it there was only about 14 people following the page and today there are over 600. There has been a real show of support from the community in Elk Grove and beyond. So many kids and friends wrote on the page, many saying they were praying for him and hoping he gets better, and many saying what a nice boy Tommy is. So many people are offering to donate or do something for the family that a friend of the family started a page to accept donations here. It was so nice to see all of the support and how many people are praying for him to get better.

So now it is Monday, I am at work, but my mind is thinking about Tommy. It sounds like it has been a rough few days for him, my Dad and Melissa (Tommy's Mom) and everyone who is there with him. They have been through some scary moments. My Dad is staying positive and they are happy to hear good news, even if it is something very small. Cathy and I plan to go out to see them sometime soon, my Dad just wants us to wait and see and hopefully things will calm down once everything gets under control.


Delilah and Tommy

 I still can't believe this has happened to Tommy. You always hear about horrible accidents like this and it is always sad, but you never fully understand what the family is going through until you experience it yourself. Even though I am not there I can only imagine what it is like to see him in such horrible shape. The whole experience so far has made me realize even more how fragile life is. You never think something like this will happen to you our your family. In one moment your life can be changed forever. Whatever happens with Tommy, it has forever changed my Dad, Melissa and Delilah's lives. We can only hope and pray that one day Tommy will recover fully and be the happy, sweet boy he once was.

Tomato Tomato

One of my favorite things this summer was making my own caprese salads (tomato, fresh mozzarella and fresh basil). I'll miss these! Love the colors.

Cheese Heads

Joe and his brother Andy got the chance to be on the sidelines for the Saints v. Packers game in Green Bay a couple weeks ago for the NFL kickoff game. Ben went too but he got a ticket instead and sat with his Aunt and Uncle instead of being on the sidelines. Andy is a huge Packers fan, but he had to pretend to be a Saints fan for this game. :-)
Their cousin Paul works for the Saints and he is able to get people to help him run photos to the players and coaches during the games when they travel. They had a blast... they got to be in the locker room with the team - thats right, lots of huge naked football players... awkward! (....wait, why didn't I go?...) and they were on the sidelines with the team for the whole game. We DVR'd the game and we caught a few glimpses of Joe from the shoulders down, but they never showed his face except for from super far away. Oh well!
Here are a few pics that Joe took. View all the pics HERE.

In-laws in Town

I don't really feel like writing, but it's been a while since I posted so I thought I would write something...
The end of the semester at school was a whirlwind, super busy tutoring tons of students the last few weeks. Glad it is finally over. I had a nice week

This past weekend, Joe's parents came to visit and we attended our first concert at Ravinia Festival in Highland Park, IL....and it was a good one! We saw Tony Bennett! It was his 85th Birthday Celebration. Had to believe he is 85 years old the way he sings. It really is effortless for him and his voice still sounds great after all of these years. Unfortunately, we couldn't bring cameras so all I have is some grainy photos from my phone...even more reason to get an iPhone!

We had a nice time at Ravinia, Millennium Park and hanging out at various spots in Chicago with them.
The fun doesn't stop there! My Mom comes to visit us this weekend. Busy times ahead.

Here are some select photos from Joe's parents visit as well as my one and only super bright video of Tony Bennett singing one of my favorite songs. You can view all of the photos HERE as well.

things...

Things are going better already.
We have our 3rd counseling appointment today and even after 2 sessions I already feel much better. It's nice to talk to someone and have her help us understand why things are the way they are and help us work on issues in a healthy and open way. So far I've only cried once. 1 out of 2, woo-hoo!
I probably should have done this long ago... for myself and for us as a couple. Lord knows I have enough baggage and family issues to deal with for 5 people, let alone one person. It's nice to finally get it out there and be able to talk about it openly.
It's amazing how the way someone thinks and behaves is based on the way they were raised and how their family did things. I was very aware of it before, but I am even more aware now. When it comes down to it, there really is no "normal" family environment or no "right way" to raise children. There are definitely wrong ways, but its amazing how even the most normal things that happen as a child can shape a person. Everyone acts the way they do because of their own unique experience, whether its bad or good.

On another note, we have lots of visitors coming to see us very soon. Joe's parents are coming in a couple weeks, then my mom is coming the week after (labor day weekend), then Joe's brother's, Ben and Andy are probably coming for a Greenbay Packers Game, and then finally in December my sister is coming! Whew! I'm sure the time will go fast and soon enough it will be Fall (and then Winter) again. Crazy! Even though I love Fall, I am going to enjoy the great summer weather we are having this week, comfortable and nice. aaahhh.

Update

I am feeling better since my last post. That's how it goes for me, I guess. It's off and on. If we don't talk about our problems it's as if there are no problems. We just go through the day-to-day and I manage to keep myself happy and busy doing everything I usually do. We have our first appointment with the marriage counselor this Wednesday, so we'll see how it goes. Hopefully she will be nice and knowledgeable and she will help us work out some of our issues, or at least help us communicate in a way that is more beneficial for us. I just hope I can get through the 50 minute session without crying for 45 minutes of it. I am such a basket case when it comes to talking about things. I am great at having discussions but when things get personal, I get so emotional and I cry. I go into the ugly cry and I am literally incapable of speaking without sounding like a blubbering idiot. It should be interesting.

Just to add a little insight to my last post...I can deal with the little 'stuff' that comes up in a marriage. The little annoyances, the small things, the nit-picky stuff. I have learned to look past a lot of things and not let it get to me. What I really hope to get help with is the major stuff....the things that we can't seem to agree on, and the things that majorly affect our lives and our future together. My goal is not to try to change Joe or to change myself into a different person, but to help us work through things in a healthy way. Everyone has their own issues as a married couple and as individuals. It will be interesting to see what happens. I will try keep this blog updated, as boring as it may be, so that I can reflect on it remember as we go through it.

In other news, we are coming to the end of the insane Midwest heat wave we've had for the past 5 days or so. It was miserable. Near 100 degree temps plus the super high humidity made it disgustingly hot here. It's times like these that I miss the dry heat of California. Between the heat and the thunderstorms we haven't had a good nights sleep in a few days. Even with our 2 window AC units our place is a sauna. Damn vintage apartments and damn 3rd floor! I miss central AC so much! Chloe had a tough time with it too, she's up panting all night and then the thunderstorms make her about have a heart attack. Louie still wants to snuggle when its that hot! He's nuts. I can't wait for Monday when it's finally supposed to be back to normal. Less humidity and lower temps. Bring it ON.

help

We just got back from our "anniversary dinner" and I am sitting here crying because I just can't do this anymore. I can pretend that I am happy, that we are happy. I can't pretend that I feel loved.
I feel that Joe and I are in two totally different places in our lives and we want two totally different things. I want to have a family and build our lives together... I want to grow and do better for us together. I want to make OUR lives better. Joe doesn't. Joe wants to do what he wants and what he thinks will make himself happy, regardless of how I feel or how it affects our lives together or how it affects our future.
I am sickened by the fact that we've waited 10 years to have children for that "right time" and now we probably will never have them because time is running out. We waited too long and we've ruined everything. It's too late to make MORE major life changes and postpone having kids longer and longer. It's too late. I am so sad and so unhappy I can't even describe it.
I want to go to counseling and Joe seems to be happy being unhappy. I am not. I can't pretend that everything is fine. I am sick of pretending. I have no one to talk to and I need someone to help us through this. This may not be the best place to write this but I don't know what else to do. I have been wanting to call a counselor for a long time but I haven't had the guts. After tonight I realized I can't wait any longer. We've tried to "fix" things ourselves and it doesn't work. We can't agree and we can't make things better if we both think the other person is wrong. I emailed the counseling center a few minutes ago for an appointment and we (or at least I) am going to seek counseling to help us through this.
This is not where I pictured us 10 years into our marriage. I refuse to be in a loveless marriage. I refuse to have a mediocre life with a mediocre relationship where there are no shared goals for a successful life together. It just doesn't make sense. I don't want to keep coasting through life like this. I can't do it anymore.
There. I don't know what else to do. I said it and it sucks.

band of brothers

Joe's brothers, Steve, the oldest, and Andy, the youngest, came to visit us 4th of July week. Unfortunately, Joe's other brother, Ben, who is in Las Vegas for the Air Force couldn't make it this time.
We had a fun and jam-packed 3.5 days...
Cubs vs. Sox game at Wrigley Field, thanks to my awesome in-laws for the tickets!!
It couldn't have been a more perfect day for a Cubs game. The weather was great and there was a nice breeze once we got inside. This was Joe and my first cross-town classic, where the Cubs and White Sox play, and also our first Cubs game where they have actually won! Woo-hoo! We got to hear (and sing) the "Go Cubs, Go" song that they play when they win (the song was stuck in our head for their entire visit, one of us was always singing it! ha ha!). Andy and Steve really enjoyed getting to see Wrigley from the inside. It is amazing place to watch baseball and to people watch too, truly an experience. We had some hot dogs and enjoyed game.

Later that evening we visited the one of our favorite places for the best gourmet burgers in Chicago, DMK Burger Bar. Steve and Andy both enjoyed it a lot, it's SO good!
We had fun at Montrose Beach, played Frisbee in the water and enjoyed a nice day. We played tennis and Frisbee at Winnemac Park near our place on the 4th of July and went to the Field Museum to see the Whales exhibit. It was really cool to see the gigantic whale bones, too bad I couldn't take photos of them. The rest of the museum bores me to tears, but luckily I brought my camera and was able to keep myself occupied taking photos of the museum's architecture and playing with my camera settings. I was able to get some pretty good shots. Afterwards we walked around Museum Campus and took in the great views of the city and lake. Six years living here and the view of the magnificent Chicago skyline and lake never fail to impress me. LOVE this city.

The boys had some time without me at the U2 concert at Soldier Field and they had a blast. Joe and I saw them there a couple years ago, so I opted not to go a 2nd time. They enjoyed it.

We also managed to squeeze in a little kayaking on the lake before they left on Wednesday morning. We had fun paddling around and enjoying the water from a different angle.

 See all the photos from their visit HERE.

10 years ago today...

10 years ago today I walked down the aisle to become Mrs. Zimmer.

Our wedding day seems like a forever ago but at the same time the years seem to have gone by in the blink of an eye. When I look at our wedding pictures I cannot believe how young we look. Bright eyed and full of excitement we began a life together, not knowing where the path would lead. We have been through so much together over the years, yet we still have so much to do.

Today we celebrate a decade of love, stress, laughter, sorrow, fear, happiness, change, excitement, family, growth, good times and bad times.
Today I look back on what we have accomplished together and look forward to what is to come for us over the next 10 years. I'm sure the years will be filled with even more than the first 10.
My only hope is that our marriage gets stronger with each passing year...

I, Mindy, take you, Joe, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

7.14.2001

busy busy

I haven't posted in a while because it seems like I've been so busy lately. Between IIDA Board stuff, interviews, working at school and trying to have fun I haven't had much time to post.
It's a nice weekend here in Chicago. Cooler and in the 70's....I'm loving it. We've had a nice weekend so far.

Friday night I had dinner with my friend Sarah and her friend Kelly. We went to the Thai place down the street where we often get take-out from, but this time we went for the authentic Thai dinner experience. Since Kelly is from Thailand she was able to order off of the official "Thai Menu" that is daunting to most Americans. It was certainly a fun experience, but proved to be too much for me. I get Thai food all the time but I get the more Americanized Thai that we are all used to. The true Thai dishes were so different. It was hit or miss for me, I liked a few things, but I couldn't handle some of the others. Traditional Thai food is super hot and spicy and some of the flavor combinations just didn't jive with me. I'm ashamed to say I think I'll be sticking to the standard menu next time I visit. Glad I tried it though! :-)

Last night Joe and I went to our friend's Birthday Party + Marathon Fundraiser. He and his partner throw  great parties every year and we always attend. This year my friend Dan is running the Marathon for T2 - Team to End Aids and he was raising money for his team. I admire anyone who commits to running a Marathon. They have a great roof-top deck in their building, which is a great location for parties in the summer with great views of the city. Last night turned out to be a little chilly and windy when the clouds rolled in, but we had a great time anyway. Lots of our friends were there and we had fun.

Today we took the dogs for a long walk around the neighborhood. It's a beautiful sunny day.

I had two interviews this week, both at good firms. Both went well but positions are dependent on what happens with their projects. They are busy, but they are sort of feeling it out before hiring. So we'll see what happens. I am feeling positive and hoping something gives pretty soon. I also got a call from someone I used to work with who asked me to work with him on a project as an independent contractor. He has his own firm now and is getting very busy. I wouldn't want to work for/with him on a full-time basis, but this is something that could be fun and I am probably going to do it (if he in fact wins the project). It should be a good opportunity to do a little bit of design on my own...kind of.

Here are a couple pics I've taken over the past few weeks.

this is your life

saw this today and I want it on my wall. love.

Buy here at Holstee

happy birthday dad

happy birthday dad!



















taken last year visiting him in California, not the best photo, but its the only one I took of us together.

Regrets

I saw this quote posted a few days ago and it really stuck with me.

Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted.


I have a tendency to regret a lot of things and I probably shouldn't. I'm not in a good place right now. Things just aren't going well and it's hard.
Thats all for now.

May Flowers

Spring has finally sprung in Chicago! I have been in awe of all of the trees and flowers blooming in our neighborhood and around the city over the past few weeks. The tulips downtown in the planters have been just gorgeous. I haven't taken my good camera downtown to capture them though, so you'll have to take my word for it. I LOVE spring in Chicago. Though it has been a rainy one so far, we've had a few nice warm days. I was able to get out with my camera a couple of times around our 'hood, both times it was pretty cloudy though, but I still got some great photos. Flowers are by far one of my favorite things to photograph. I love the color, the textures, the variety.  I would love to get a good macro lens for my camera so I can capture even more detail. I love seeing things come to life here in the city. It's got to be one of the best times in Chicago.
To view all of my spring flower photos click HERE.

Obama Photos

Here are a few photos from the Obama 2012 Campaign Kickoff at Navy Pier that I attended. Finally getting around to posting them. I took a ton of photos but had some trouble with my new camera so I didn't get as many good ones as I would have liked.
Anyway, it was an amazing night, so glad I got to attend and finally see my fave President live and in person.


Derek Rose from the Bulls

Colbie Caillet performing

                                     

Rahm Emanuel - Soon to be Chicago's new Mayor

Obams!

Bulls Hat at the end

View all of my photos HERE in my Picasa Album