smack dab in the middle of suburbia

On Tuesday (tomorrow) I start a little gig teaching "art" projects to little kids. It will be two 1-hour classes for the next 6 weeks and it's out in a suburb just north of the city. Its not a lot of money, and with Joe taking the train those days, it will probably be a wash financially. Oh well...it will be a change of scenery for me, something to expand my horizons. (Dad-ism: Dad always told us to expand our horizons when we were kids.)

On Saturday I drove all the way out to the western suburbs for a "teacher meeting" with the woman who coordinates all of the art classes and teachers.  Let's just say it was eye opening...

I felt so out of place. I was probably the youngest one there, or at least I looked like it. I was smack dab in the middle of suburbia... in a big messy house that reeked of maple syrup, surrounded by motherly women wearing sweats and no make-up. Ahhh! I didn't know it until then, but this was my worst nightmare come true. I know this all sounds so judgemental, but really it's just observant. I am a very observant person when it comes to people and environments. I tend to take it all in really quickly...and I either love it or hate it. I definitely reacted strongly to this one....

Sometimes you don't even know how different you are from people until you are thrown into a totally different environment. I never thought I was a very city-ish person until Saturday. In that house, sitting with those women, I came to the complete realization that I really do love the city. I always knew I did, but after I left, I knew it was truly home for me. The city is the place where I feel the most comfortable, where people are more like me.

All I could think was how I could not imagine myself living in a suburb. It's just not me. Though the Chicago suburbs have nice large lots, interesting older homes with character, etc, they are lacking something major that really rubs me the wrong way. I really can't pin-point it, but its something. Maybe I haven't visited the right suburb, but I have yet to find one that makes me think, "I could live here." 

I don't know why, but I started to think about the idea of having kids and moving to a suburb and it totally freaked me out in that moment. Not like that's our plan, in fact, we don't really have a plan, but we have thought about this as an option before. On my drive home, my mind raced with all of these kinds of thoughts and questions. Why did I have such a bad reaction to this? Am I not meant to have kids because I don't long for that Utopian place that is supposedly suburbia?  Why did going out to this woman's house even make me think about  having kids and moving to a suburb?  Ugh,...I don't know. All I know is I learned that I am more content with my life as it is than I thought.

I always welcome change, in fact, I am one of the rare people that seeks out change and likes to challenge myself. But changing into suburban super Mom just doesn't seem to fit. I guess I just have to quit worrying about what is normal and just do what is right for me and for us. 

So, after learning about the class I will be teaching, I must admit I am a little nervous. I'm sure it will be fine once I get into it and get more comfortable, luckily I have 2 smaller classes. I just hope the little kids like me! Tonight I will prepare the art lesson for tomorrow and hope it goes well. At least it's only 6 weeks...I might love it, or I might hate it, we'll see. One thing I know for sure, it will probably cure my baby fever for the time being. 2-6 year olds tend to have that effect on a me.  :-)

Larry Gets Lost in Chicago

Cathy was in Chicago visiting us this past weekend. We had a lot of fun... I will post some pics when she sends them to me...we mostly used her camera all weekend.

Yesterday, while we were out browsing I found the cutest book ever in a fun toy store in Lincoln Square. The book is called "Larry Gets Lost in Chicago".  I just love children's books, and don't even get me started on children's books about Chicago! This book was SO cute I almost bought it. 

I can't wait until we have kids and I can read stories to them. I picture a big book shelf, full of cute little books to read to them before I tuck them in.

Babies Babies Everywhere

Latley all I have been thinking about is babies. I think I want a baby more than I want a job at this point. I know that’s not what I should be thinking, but unfortunatley it is. UGH. And to think, I thought I had “baby fever” when I was 23, when Joe and I were newly married! That has nothing on me now. I dream about babies, I look at baby stuff all the time, I write down baby names. Man…if this isn’t baby fever, then I don’t know what is.
I just wish now was a good time for us to have a baby, but its not. The older I get the more worried I get about us not being able to get pregnant, but I know I have a few more good years. Ha-ha. Hopefully (soon) I will get a full-time design job and our lives will get back on track and then we can really start seriously thinking about starting a family. I know they say there is no perfect time, but I know that things can definitly be better than they are now for us.
I think another contributing factor to my baby fever is that so many of my old high school classmates and other girls around my age are popping them out left and right. Apparently it’s the hip thing to do right now for my age-group. Ha-ha. Not that peer pressure is causing me to want a baby, but it sure makes you think you better get cracking when people have 2 and 3 kids and we have none. Time’s-a-tickin’.
Anyway…just wanted to get that off my chest. Someday (hopefully sooner rather than later) I will hold our first baby in my arms. I just can’t wait for that day.

I'm Awake

So, I don't have much time to write today, so I am posting this really quick with a little quick intro.  I saw this awesome video last night and I think it's great.
Even though we don't have kids yet I am always looking into and saving information on the latest awesome baby products, sites, etc. Call me crazy...I just love researching things.
Anyway, I became a fan of this company called 'g-diapers' through Facebook, they are an awesome alternative to disposable diapers, but not as "Au natural" as pure cloth diapers (even though they do have a cloth insert option). Anyway, to make a long story short, they posted a link to this video which comes from the healthychild.org.
I completely agree that we, people with kids, people who plan to someday have kids, need to be wise about the environment in which we raise our children, to be aware of what is being put into our bodies and eventually the bodies of our children. When I see stories about lead in toys and BPA in plastic baby bottles, it makes me sad. Why is our society so obsessed with producing without THINKING about the potential negative/dangerous effects certain chemicals may have. All I know is that when I am a mother I will be very careful about what is in my house and what goes into my babies body.
Anyway, I could go on forever, but I'll just post the video for you to watch. It's a great eye opener.

new year blues

Its the new year and you are supposed to feel like you can restart and be happy and all that good stuff. Not me...I just feel bummed out now because I look back at 2009 and think about how I have done almost nothing this past year to better myself or my career. Aside from the weight loss, which is good I know, I feel like I haven't accomplished anything else.

My lay off has really screwed me up career wise and I can't believe its been this long and people still are not hiring in my industry. Its still really slow out there. I have talked to a couple people in my field and they said they think it will be a while before things pick up. They said this is the worst they have seen it for our industry since 1992. Man, its hard not to feel like I got the short end of the stick here. I just get started with my new career and then, BOOM...I am laid off during one of the worst times ever for our industry. Its hard not to feel like I made the wrong decision or like I screwed up. I am getting to the point where I don't know what I am going to do next. I may have to find something else to do for work that is completely unrelated to my field, just to make money, which sucks. I think it will be even harder to find something unrelated because who will hire me knowing that I am a designer and I am going to go back to that as soon as I can?!

Its hard not to get upset about it because I feel like I have messed up so many things for us. Even though its really not my fault, I feel like it is. I want to have a family and move forward with our lives, and because of my lay off we are at a stand still. It is hard, I guess I am just not sure what to do next. I worry about things one day, and the next day I don't. I try to stay positive, but its hard to be in limbo like this. ugh. I don't know if we should stay here in Chicago or if we should move, I don't know where I want to be, I just know I want to get back to normal, whatever that is.

Plus, I have never really wanted to have a baby more than I do now and I feel like we will have to wait forever for things to be settled again so that we can. Everywhere I turn and everything I do, all I think about is having a baby. Maybe its turning 30, maybe its just been long enough, I don't know, I just know that I want to have one in the near future. But then, when I think about a baby I worry about money and about where we will live and where I will be working, and how we will afford day care, clothes, food, etc, etc...so then a whole other bag of worms gets opened when I think about a baby, so it just adds to the stress. I wish things could be back to normal and I could get a decent job so we could get back on track. I wish, I wish, I wish.... apparently that doesn't work.
Sorry for the pity party, just feeling bad lately I guess.