Time's Up

This week has been particularly hard. It just seems like things are crumbling around me. After all of the interviews I've had over the past couple of weeks, I am left holding out hope for only one of them. That's so upsetting. I also found out this week that my unemployment is pretty much over, or it's dropping down to $80/week because they are now basing the amount I get on my part-time work at Harrington, which is minimal. I will won't end up getting that $80 anyway since I make more than that at Harrington, they will just cancel it. Whatever, I knew this would eventually happen. I can't expect to have it forever. So, we are pretty much screwed with me only having my part-time work. It's just not enough for us to live on. If I don't get a job, any job, within 2 weeks we won't be able to pay our bills. Oh, and we did our taxes this week and we have to pay taxes this year because we took out what little I had in my 401k just to help us get by for a while last year. Awesome. We don't owe a ton, but still. What else can go wrong for us, money-wise?

I feel awful. Like this is all my fault...because it is. I am the one who can't get a job. I hate to put all of this stress on Joe too....I know it's just as hard for him and I feel like I am disappointing him all the time. It's so hard on both of us and our marriage and everything aspect of our lives. I can't even think about the fact that I am 31 years old and at this horrible place in my life. This is not what I imagined and it sickens me to think about it. I feel like a total failure. We can't even afford to take our dogs in for their annual shots and exams.

There really aren't words to explain how depressed I feel. I pretend that everything is ok on the outside, but it's not. Two years of job searching and interviewing and still...nothing. It makes me feel worthless. I know everyone says that "things will eventually get better" and I try to believe that, but I am forced to live in present just trying to figure out what to do to get through each day and each week. It's hard to focus on anything positive when we can't seem to catch a break.

So yesterday I sat at the computer all day and applied for a bunch of crappy retail jobs, part-time and full-time, anything I could find... and even Starbucks. I am desperate at this point and I have to do anything to bring in money so that we can make some attempt to pay our bills and stay afloat. I can't believe it's come to this. In the back of my mind I am hoping that a firm will email me with a job offer to save the day, just in the nick of time, but I can't count on that.

Sorry this was probably one the most boring posts to read. I wish everything was happy and fun, but it's not.