More Cwofy Tauk (Coffee Talk)

I was talking to my sister tonight about my last blog post - the one I posted only a few hours ago - she read it and of course we proceeded to have a long bbm (blackberry messenger) convo about self esteem and how I need to learn to like myself more and quit comparing myself to others. Maybe I need to read a book about it or something. Self help section, here I come! She's always there to steer me in the right direction. She is also very different from me in that most of the time she could care less about what people think of her. I admire that quality!
She also found this short blog about "Facebook Depression." I know the term has been thrown around on the news recently, but this blog (from way back in 2009) pretty much sums it up in a short and sweet way. I'm not saying I'm depressed or anything, but I do get how emotional people like me can let it affect them too much. This blog is a hilarious read and it made me feel less crazy and gave me a good laugh too. The comments on the blog are even better. Lord knows I am not the only one! So...I don't think I'll be cancelling my Facebook account anytime soon, and I don't think Facebook is evil, but maybe I need to take a little facebook vacation from time to time.
http://lesser-evil.blogspot.com/2009/01/facebook-depression.html

Here is another good article about comparing ourselves to others, Cathy found this too. Good tips. Thanks!
http://www.mind-your-reality.com/comparing_yourself_to_others.html

One last thing before I sign off. As my sister and I were chatting tonight I received an email totally out of the blue from a friend who is on the alumni board with me. It was the nicest thing anyone has said or written to me in a while. I don't think she reads (or knows about) my blog, so it was very odd that she sent it to me right after I posted that blog tonight. It's like she knew exactly how I was feeling.
I had to post her email here because it was so nice and sincere I just had to share. She made my night. On the off chance she does read my blog, I hope she is ok with me sharing this.

"Mindy,
It might not mean much coming from me, but I just wanted to tell you how awesome I think you are.
I sometimes feel bad complaining about work, knowing how lucky I am just to have a job.
Last spring/summer, I made a short-lived and half-assed attempt to update my portfolio and look for new job. I was neither disappointed nor surprised when nothing came to fruition because my effort was just that: half-assed.
Over the holidays, however, I really started an all-out (for me), dedicated job search. I even sacrificed running to devote more time to find new work. While I know a new job won't come easily or quickly, I have already become extremely frustrated with the lack of results.
The fact that you've been in this position for an extended period of time puts it in perspective for me. But what I really admire is (1) your constant positive attitude and (2) how you've maintained your skills and relevance in this industry. I don't know that I could do the same in your position.
For what it's worth, I continue to pray that you will find work in due time. I know that when you do, the company that hires you will be the lucky one.
Hang in there"

Enough?

I'm feeling "meh" right now. I don't know why.... I just feel inadequate. I hate that I feel this way, but I often beat myself up with my own thoughts. I feel like I'm not good enough, thin enough, pretty enough, rich enough, smart enough, cool enough....the list goes on. Why? I wish I knew.

This is how I've always been. I worry way too much about what other people think of me. Actually, the thought of it consumes me sometimes...like right now. I worry about it for no apparent reason. I'm a total worrier and I hate it. I appear confident (most of the time) on the outside, but inside I am shy and insecure. I dislike this about myself.

I think some of these feelings are heightened by all of the social networking we are doing these days. Everyone my age and younger is so obsessed with documenting everything in their life and sharing it with everyone they know... Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc, etc. I admit to doing the same thing and I am not against Facebook or blogging (obviously) - I think all these things are great. However, I do see the negative side of it when I start to feel more insecure about myself as a result.

If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. We post only the best pictures of ourselves, we post statuses about the awesome thing we are doing or the wonderful vacation we just took or things we just got so that everyone else knows how great we are. It's all just so phony to me. No one's life is perfect yet most people try to give their "friends" a certain impression of who they are and how great their life is. Don't get me wrong,  it would suck if everyone posted sad/boring/depressing things all the time, so that's not what I am saying. (Kind of like my blog...sorry it's so depressing sometimes!)  For me, I guess all of this stuff becomes more for me to compare myself to. I compare my life to yours, the way I look to the way you look, the things I have to the things you have, then I look at myself and think I am less than.

Maybe I am the only one who feels this way....maybe I am crazy, I don't know. Maybe I just need to repeat the following mantra over and over to myself until I start to believe it.....

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me." 



Bike Me

I kind of want a bicycle.

I don't know how often I would use it, but I think it would be fun to go for a bike ride when the weather gets nice.

Riding on the city streets is another thing...the thought of it just scares me. I would be so afraid to get hit or fall and look like an idiot. I have lots of friends who ride them and I admire them. How fun it would be to be able to bike to the lake for a picnic or bike to the store instead of taking the train/bus or car.

I would have to get really good before I would ride on the streets of Chicago. I rode a bike while I was visiting my Dad in California last summer...it was probably the first time I had done that since high school...and I maybe did it once in high school. So really it was like the 2nd time since I was about 13 years old that I rode a bike. I was SO rusty, but I picked it up pretty fast...just like riding a bike! Ha! 

Here are some bikes that caught my eye.

Today was one of those nice days. It's was like my Sunday. I was home all day today, didn't have any tutoring or work or anything major to do today. I just enjoyed the day.

The sun streaming into the apartment is making me have spring fever, even though it's only like 30 degrees here. I spent the day walking the dogs at the park (twice), catching up on emails, running errands and making dinner for tonight...oh, and of course searching for jobs.

I am anxious for spring to really get here....ok, I know it is officially spring, but here in Chicago we have only had a couple spring-like days. It's still not quite warm enough for me to want to hang around outside with the dogs or just be outside. I see the signs that spring is coming though and that makes me happy. The sun is out and the new baby green grass is just starting to pop through. I see buds on the trees and the guys at the park are raking dirt in the baseball fields with their little mower machines. Spring is almost here...I can feel it! Spring and Fall are my favorite seasons, but of course they are the shortest seasons here in Chicago.

Tonight I am making pulled BBQ chicken sandwiches. I've had it cooking in the crock pot all day and it smells super yummy in here! I got the recipe from my new(ish) friend, Manuel. I had dinner over at his house last week and he made this. It was so good I had to make it for me and Joe.

Happy Birthday to my Sister!

Today is my sister's 29th Birthday! Can't believe she is 29 - about as much as I can't believe I am 31. Gulp!

Happy Birthday Cathy! Wish I could be there to celebrate with you!

As we've gotten older we've become better and better friends. Know one really knows you like your sister does.

"A sister is a forever friend."