This is how I've always been. I worry way too much about what other people think of me. Actually, the thought of it consumes me sometimes...like right now. I worry about it for no apparent reason. I'm a total worrier and I hate it. I appear confident (most of the time) on the outside, but inside I am shy and insecure. I dislike this about myself.
I think some of these feelings are heightened by all of the social networking we are doing these days. Everyone my age and younger is so obsessed with documenting everything in their life and sharing it with everyone they know... Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc, etc. I admit to doing the same thing and I am not against Facebook or blogging (obviously) - I think all these things are great. However, I do see the negative side of it when I start to feel more insecure about myself as a result.
If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. We post only the best pictures of ourselves, we post statuses about the awesome thing we are doing or the wonderful vacation we just took or things we just got so that everyone else knows how great we are. It's all just so phony to me. No one's life is perfect yet most people try to give their "friends" a certain impression of who they are and how great their life is. Don't get me wrong, it would suck if everyone posted sad/boring/depressing things all the time, so that's not what I am saying. (Kind of like my blog...sorry it's so depressing sometimes!) For me, I guess all of this stuff becomes more for me to compare myself to. I compare my life to yours, the way I look to the way you look, the things I have to the things you have, then I look at myself and think I am less than.
Maybe I am the only one who feels this way....maybe I am crazy, I don't know. Maybe I just need to repeat the following mantra over and over to myself until I start to believe it.....
"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."
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