After my interview the other night at the project management company, I got in the car and felt SO depressed and sad. I am SO sick of interviewing!! I am completely and utterly frustrated. I hate the roller coaster that I am on right now... up and down, up and down, having interviews, getting rejected, over and over. It really takes a toll on a person, no matter how much I try to stay in the positive, it's really just hard to handle emotionally. It's hard not to get down on myself, which I tend to do.
Yesterday, I just felt so out of it, so mentally beat down from all of this. Not because I got rejected from the last job, but just because the whole job search process is such a drag. I feel like the constant interviewing takes more out of me than the rejections. So, last night I went out with a couple of friends for a some drinks at happy hour. I literally dragged myself there, I really wasn't in a good mood, but I went anyway, and it was good to talk with them and get their perspective on things. So, I felt a little better after that, but still confused and upset.
I am not trying to have a pity party here, I just feel like I have the right to be sad. I cannot believe it will be 2 years this February that I was laid off. It's sickening to me. I
NEVER thought it would be this long. I feel like a failure. I want my life to begin again. I want to move on and be done with this phase, but I feel like I have no control. Everything is out of my control and I hate that. I mean, I am glad that I have my part-time work at Harrington, it just isn't the same as having a full-time job like I had before working at a firm. It's also not that I think having a job will complete me and make me happy, it will just allow me to move on to the next stage of my life, like moving to a nicer/better place and eventually having a baby. Right now I just feel like I am swimming up stream....I'm getting nowhere.
While I'm glad I have been getting all of these interviews recently, I am bummed that none of them are truly design related or with A+D firms. Interviewing at the project management company just made freak out, I was so uncomfortable pretending that I would like that job when I knew I really wouldn't. When they told me, "If you want to do design or have a future in design, this is not the place for you," and I pretended that was OK, it just made me so upset.
Recently, there have been some supposed openings at a few design firms, but they just don't move quickly. I hear about them, I send my resume, I follow up, and nothing happens. I feel like the firms just aren't hiring. There has been some movement, but not much.
I know I should just take any job (if I ever get an offer) just to get back to work again and then keep looking for the "right" job, but I fear that working outside of the industry, or in another side of the industry will make it even harder to get back into a firm, where I think I want to be. I feel like the longer I am out of it the harder it will be to get back in. It's so scary and frustrating.
I really have a hard time getting excited about jobs that I think are not what I want to do. I guess I need to convince myself that if I get a job, even if it's not the ideal one, I will feel better and I will be able to move on to the next phase in my life.
Today we spend the entire afternoon at the laundry mat getting all of our laundry done. We had to wash our old comforter, a bunch of sheets, new brown sheets, and lots of blankets and clothes, so we went to the laundry mat to get it all done at once. 
In other news (I cannot believe I forgot to post this earlier)....I am going to see JANET JACKSON in concert on March 8th! WOOO! I am so excited! She is going on tour, it's called her Up Close and Personal Tour. The tour will be smaller venues and she will sing all of her hits. I am so pumped! She is playing at the Chicago Theatre, which will be really cool. Its smaller and I have never seen a show there, so it should be so fun! I am going with my friends Kameko and Megan. I CANNOT wait. I have always been a fan of Janet and I will probably get emotional seeing her live, since I never have. Her music has always inspired me and a lot of it reminds me of being a kid. I never got to see Michael, so I couldn't pass up the chance to see Janet, another one of my favorite singers/performers, live and in concert. I am SO excited!!!